June 2015 Philadelphia Chapter of Pax Christi U.S.A.

A Comment on the Alternatives to Violence Project (AVP)

CPF sponsored an AVP training on 3.13-15. Carolyn Singleton wrote this reflection on 4.13.15.

The mission of the Alternatives to Violence Project (AVP) is simple and clear. It is dedicated to “reducing interpersonal violence in our society”. It offers “conflict management skills that can enable individuals to build successful interpersonal interactions, gain insights into themselves and find new and positive approaches to their lives” through “experiential workshops that empower people to lead nonviolent lives through affirmation, respect for all, community building, cooperation and trust”.

I enjoy being involved with AVP as a facilitator, but even more so as a participant in the process. I learn something new about other people, and more importantly, I learn something new about myself during each workshop. I learn something that I can take away with me to draw upon when the need arises. Even though I am a facilitator, I am not immune from the poison of hostility and rage that can creep up when faced with conflict or I witness violence. I am not immune from the pain.

A man was shot in the back last Saturday. He was shot in the back by a police officer. The man was black. The police officer is white. I found about the shooting on the internet. It was a snapshot depicting a white police officer aiming at a black man who was now on the ground – DEAD. I could push the arrow on the snapshot if I wanted to learn more. I chose not to. Not now, not this morning, not today. Maybe there was more to the story. There had to be. It couldn’t be as simple as it appeared. I wasn’t ready to deal with the reality that it “was” as simple as it appeared. Not now, not this morning, not today. I didn’t want to be burdened with rage throughout the day.

Many people don’t realize that rage is a burden. It weighs you down, it slows you up. I sometimes feel the need to do a “media blackout”. AVP has 12 “Guides to Transforming Power”. Guide # 9 says, “Learn to trust your inner sense of when to act and when to withdraw.” “Media blackout” is one way that I choose to “withdraw” at times, so that I am not barraged with constant images of “violence”. I recognize that for many, violence is witnessed on a daily basis, whether in the home, the neighborhood, the school, the country, or on the TV. Doing a “media blackout” is not sufficient to avoid the continuous poison of rage and hostility. That’s when apathy sets in. That’s a different kind of immunity. You simply stop feeling.

While seeing images of violence like the one I described is easily recognizable, there are other forms of violence that we are barraged with on a daily basis that we don’t recognize as violence but it has the same detrimental impact as the one of which I speak. This is why I like the “What is Violence?” exercises that AVP offers. The group can explore the true nature of violence and see how it extends far beyond physical violence. I did this exercise once with a group of ninth (9th) graders. I was surprised by the “adult” terms that they associated with “violence” that went beyond physical violence. It gave me insight as to what was going on in their young lives on a daily basis. They are far more perceptive of what’s going on in their environment than we give them credit for and are just as prone to the rage and hostility that adults experience when impacted by this “violence”. Even worse, they are prone to adopting some of the same violent responses to violence that adults adopt.

It’s a day later. I’m looking at CNN. I’m not in the comfort of my own home. I can’t control what’s on the television. I watch for two minutes. It’s the brother of the black man shot in the back by the white police officer. He’s calm. He’s forgiving. He’s talking about God. And what are my thoughts? He’s too damn calm!! He’s too damn forgiving!! And now the anger that I had assured myself that I wouldn’t feel is now being directed at this man. It is being directed at the brother of the black man who was shot in the back by the

white police officer. I am a Christian. But even so, my mind is revisiting Karl Marx’s, “religion is the opium of the masses”. What else is he feeling? Why isn’t he feeling rage? Perhaps he’s still in shock?

It’s now two days later. It’s CNN again. I’m not home, but I have the option to turn the channel, if I so choose. I’m standing, ready to leave the room. I decide to stop and listen. I lean on the wall for support. It’s the mother of the black man who was shot in the back by the white police officer. Her son is standing next to her. This time, I can’t turn away. I have to listen to what she has to say. I’m looking to her to help me to understand. Maybe she can offer what her son could not. Maybe she can offer some rage!! She has none. But it’s clear there’s pain. She says that she cannot bring herself to watch the video of her son being killed.

AVP Guide #3 says, “Listen. Everyone has made a journey. Try to understand where the other person is coming from before you make up your mind.”

She speaks, and I begin to understand. I’m holding on to every word. I understand. She is a Christian. A true Christian. She believes in the teachings of the Bible. She believes in Jesus. She believes in forgiveness. She has faith in God. She has love in her heart. She has forgiveness for the white police officer who shot her black son in the back. Her son who now lies dead. Her son who she will never see again. Her son who might still be alive if he were of a different race or from a different neighborhood.

I watch her body language. She is real. She is sincere. I breathe a sigh of relief. I can only feel love, honor and respect for this woman. Although she is struggling, she has resolved herself to believe in a higher authority, a higher calling, and a higher belief system; all despite the enormous pain I can see in her face, the tears that she’s holding back, a pain that I could feel as well.

I walked away astounded that my rage had been softened. My rage was tempered with her peace. I had just witnessed the power of Jesus Christ and the power of the teachings of Dr. Martin Luther King and Mahatma Gandhi. I wondered if she was having the same effect on other people. There is an “Affirmation” exercise in AVP. It helps others to see the goodness of the human spirit in ourselves and in others. She affirmed the goodness of the human spirit for me.

I believe in the need for law and order. I believe in the need for Rousseau’s “social contract”. But what does society, or a portion of society, do when it perceives that the “social contract” has been broken? What do we do with the rage? There are choices. We can take non-violent measures such as political action and work within the system. The alternative is revolutionary violence and radicalism. Although the term “revolutionary violence” has a certain “mystique” to it, it is still “violence”.

I choose the former, which is why I do AVP workshops and engage in activities for social change. Though challenging, I choose to be “patient and persistent in the continuing search for justice”, (AVP Guide # 11). The justice I seek includes but also extends beyond the injustice and violence in the case of the white police officer who shot a black man in the back. It extends to all injustices and forms of violence regardless of race, sex, socio-economic level, religion, creed, and all of the other differences that society has found it necessary to create. “Concentric Circles” is an AVP exercise that breaks down barriers by getting people to talk to each other for a few moments on a topic provided by the Facilitator. The topics can be somewhat light or can touch on subjects related to forgiveness, fear, violence, pain. It gives the participant the opportunity to “share” themselves with a stranger and realize that despite our “differences’, we have more in common then we realize.

I know there is much work to be done. This is evident to me as I sit and watch a neighbor who is in his backyard. He’s alone. He’s playing with a toy gun. He is not a child. He is a man, about twenty-one. He is pretending to ambush someone. Why would a twenty-one year old man be doing this? I’m thinking of the white police officer who shot the black man in the back. I’m thinking of my favorite AVP exercise “Quick Decisions”. The participant is given a scenario and in less than two minutes a decision is needed. I like the exercise because it demonstrates who we are at the core. What we do at a moment’s notice is determined by our values and attitudes we have developed throughout our lives. It gives the participant pause to think, “Is this who I really am?” “Is this who I want to be?” In less than two minutes, this white police officer made a decision and took action based upon who he was at the core. Yes, there is much work to be done.

I believe in good and evil. I also believe that God tests us from time to time. Often, the test is a struggle between choosing a path of peace or a path of violence. Sometimes we pass. Sometimes we fail. I believe the white police officer who shot the black man in the back has failed a test. I believe the mother of the black man who was shot in the back by the white police officer has passed a test. I ask God to bless her and others like her who, instead of choosing a path of violence, choose a path of peace. I also ask God to give us strength to always choose a path of peace.

Carolyn Singleton

Ms. Singleton is a facilitator with Alternatives to Violence Project, a process by which participants learn communication, coping skills, and deeper self-awareness as an alternative to violence.

She facilitates workshops for participants in the community, schools, and correctional facilities.